Vacation

Writing about myself is starting to feel a little icky. I've actually worked out some things by what I have written. I may pick this thread up later, or I may not. School starts for Dermot on the 7th and I'm gearing up for the big powwow with his principal and teacher now that I have ammo. First, I want to talk about what going on vacation with Dermot is like.

When we bring up going on vacation, Dermot doesn't want to go anywhere but Ocean City in New Jersey. We're close to Boston and D.C., and we've brought up Disney in either FL or CA and even Legoland in San Diego, which looks great. Dermot always screams bloody murder. Those places won't be any fun. Those places will be boring. Those places are too far away.

He's completely afraid of new things. I am so torn on how to deal with this. Part of me (and this part is winning, it's just a slow process) is convinced that my job as parent is to expose Dermot to new things. I need him to learn that new things are fascinating, not scary. If you try something and you don't like it, you have learned something. The learning itself is valuable. Most things that I know I do not like, I have tried. I can tell you 100% that I don't like going down any slides at the water park that involve an inner tube. The lazy river is okay, but no slides. I can't handle spinning amusement park rides any more, but I tried. The trying is important. Dermot won't try. He has fear that I never had.

The other part of me (the psychologist) realizes that this is part of Dermot's temperament. He was just built this way. He's been this way for most of his life, and it's actually gotten worse, not better. As a psychologist, I know that parents really don't have that much impact on temperamental issues. Parents hate to hear that, but it's really true, especially for kids in the top 10 or bottom 10 percent of a trait. Within the middle, there's more room for movement. Dermot seems to be fairly extreme in this trait of his. That being said, he will have to do new scary things throughout his life. He can't have everything be the exact same as it is now forever. My responsibility to Dermot is to teach him coping skills for dealing with his fear. To balance these two sides, I pick my battles. I know that all parents pick their battles, but Dermot's reactions to everything are always so extreme. SO EXTREME!

I also struggle with the need to balance Dermot's fears with my own need to explore. Gifted children are supposed to be curious and inquisitive, and Dermot only shows that in specific domains. Even when we go to OCNJ, he won't try anything new. It always has to be the same thing. He would be happy to just go to Jilly's arcade, Hollywood arcade, and the hotel's pool. I can do all of those things at my house without paying for the hotel. I'm the one who made us rent a surrey for the first time (which he loved). On the other hand, I made him play mini golf and that was a complete disaster, but that's for a different post. I am going to tackle his perfectionism in its own post. It's that huge.

I want to explore everything. A big part of being a professor is that I have a pleasant income and summers off I should be able to explore things. I thought that Dermot and I could have some great day trips, but he won't even do things like that with me. There are tons of cool places around here, and he shows no interest in them. Or he has already been to them on daycare field trips and once was enough. Dermot doesn't even want to go to New York City because he says it's boring. NYC is never boring. Never.

I'm hoping that in the next few years, I can slowly prod Dermot into trying more new things. I'm also encouraging him to remember how many fun things we have done that he was completely against doing. He never wanted to go to Philly, but we made him and he loved it. Of course, he thinks its boring now and doesn't want to go back, but that's a different subject. He doesn't trust Ethan and I enough to know that we know what he likes. When we force him to do things against his will, most of the time he enjoys himself because we do know what he likes and doesn't like. I told him that it's not like I'm taking him to flower shows or art museums, which he would hate.